So. HELLO THERE!! I'm back from a rather long hiatus (not that it's a regular blog anyway). Let's cut right to the chase, shall we?
What do you think about when you hear the word "miserable"? Do you think of that poor boy begging for a penny on the sidewalk? Or a sick old man that has nothing left but his last few breaths? What is miserable? And why does feeling miserable is undesirable? Mind you, this still is a rant so it's really not dictionary or professionally checked. But i think, feeling miserable is a necessary emotion. Even knowing that someone else is miserable is actually a good sign.. in a way. Miserable is that feeling when you see that people around you are moving at a pace faster than you, you get left behind, but is still pushed by your conscience to catch up to them, which u probably could, but will probably tire you out. Miserable is closely linked to envy, which in my case actually describes a lot of things about me, things i want to forget, things that.. is not very nice. In my own way (poetically) describing what it is, one of my own experience is about feeling the cracks that exist all around you existence being filled with corruption, that moment when literally staying calm is difficult, you get jittery and your imagination flies, in a bad way. I can feel the negativity crawling inside my brain as i try my darnedest to fight it. Maybe, miserable is the collection of your darkest deepest desires and feelings you hold back. You know, that thing you should do but didnt, that words you shouldve asked but havent. The moments you should enjoy, but instead you fill it with random thoughts of even more envy. Oh man i just realize this sounds so negative but bear with me. That is what feeling miserable is, you get me? The part of you consciousness that cursed your inability, your way of thinking. And when you get to that level of depravity, it is honestly hard to keep track of things inside you, as you keep on stockpiling memories of regret. But here is the good thing! As that old saying or whatnot, when you are at the bottom, the only way to go is up! If you manage to clear up a bit of that train of thought, try your hardest to think about the good things that happened, then maybe, just maybe, you'll see that not all things is against you. Sure, maybe she did reject you, maybe you did indeed fail to reconcile with that one old friend, but behind all that, there is that moment of small joys that you can somehow remember.
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