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月が綺麗ですね？(The moon is beautiful, isn't it?)

been a long time since my last post, and then suddenly double post! poof! (disclosure, been wanting to upload the poetic Sh*t for awhile, blogger error is suppose). just surfing for fun, watching youtube and listening to random music, and suddenly i stumbled upon the ending song for this recently out anime. As the title suggest, one sentence feels out of place (intentionally or not). i am not so proficient on Japanese, although i have some experience with it. this melodic and rather epic ending song, i dont know the meaning of majority of its lyric. but as i repeat the song over and over again, the more i hear those sentence and at one point I am curious of what that really means. through short search on google, it turns out to be a more... romantic and meaningful and artistic way of saying "I love you" without really saying those words. And in just 10 seconds my mind wander around. imagining what kind of situation will you use that sentence in real life. Ha... and along came a beautiful and far away imagination of things and scenery of people. I feel the words resonating and the strong words and its completely different meaning when spoken as a sentence in a certain situation. how a combination of word out of relevance in a situation actually gives it all the more meaning.

In a past conversation i had with my sister, she suddenly brought up the girlfriend topic. long story short, being the pessimistic i am, i provoked her to a bet. "Let's make a bet! If by the end of my university year i still dont have a girlfriend, you'll have to treat me to some expensive food, otherwise its my treat". sigh... as the clock ticks to the soon will be end (last semester) of my years in university, i found myself feel pretty depressed by that bet. well duh, who would trade a girlfriend for a couple of good food. and its obviously not because im not searching for one. i feel a certain disappointment in myself. i know im not looking for a girlfriend to fool around. i myself know that my current condition is in no way fine. im tired and actually feel lonely. how could i not feel that way? most of my friend is already minding their own Sh*t, with jobs, internships, degrees. seemingly, im the only one who is stuck over this issue. either i still hadnt the complete puberty experience, or im just this fked up in the head. or im just a loser all in all. and well on the off chance, maybe i havent found the right girl yet, but hey im a cowardly piece of furball what do i know. for all i know, maybe i have missed the opportunity towards my soulmate (what a cheap word... really..).

as im nearing the 20th repetition of this darn song, i further searched for the words on the title meaning and background. turns out it really does come from a poetic source. also, turns out that they had a specific reply for those specific sentence. 死んでもいいわ | shindemo iiwa (I can die happy). its the yes for when you are asked " do u love me" or sth like that. (sleepiness are like alcoholic drunkenness man...) at this point i completely forgot how i was going to end this post but. yeah, for those of u who actually read this sht.. i think im actually lonely.. not in a sad and pathethic sense, but more of the.. philosophical way of thinking. just need some notes hitting specific tune and it got me all melancholic omg. but dont worry im not so weak that this thing will affect my productivity, nuh-uh m8. well, recap of the week. done marathoning rick and morty and it was an awesome series. sigh. one last repetition of that darn song to make myself feel even worse before falling asleep. see ya all soon... (who the heck is "ya all" even?)

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